Free Health Care is a Rip-Off

If dealing with Satan has taught me anything, it’s to beware when someone offers you something for “free.”  For example, I’m growing suspicious that the jewel-encrusted kegerator he provided for me might actually be saddled with a prohibitive long-term cost.  Might I have actually consented to some sort of eventual disagreeable payment?

As for a similar entity to the one governed by the Prince of Darkness, Congress may be tricking us with their drive to let us have health care at absolutely no cost ever.  We maybe should be just a bit cynical and assume we’ll eventually pay.  In this case, it won’t be with your soul, of course: the government hasn’t figured out how to harvest them from private citizens yet.

Far be it from me to criticize Washington for spending at will to enact a frighteningly monstrous program we don’t want.  But Democraticare proponents are still coming across as blind date sleazeballs who quietly pray that you order a lobster for dinner.

The government has even worse intentions than trying to con you into a scenario where you’re fending off your book club friend’s single cousin.  It doesn’t matter how noble Washington’s goals might be: they want you at their mercy.  Worst of all, our officials expect either you or your employer to pick up the tab for the privilege.

But at least we’ll all be equally displeased with our medical service.  Once we’ve reached their ultimate single-payer goal, it will be nice knowing that every comrade you encounter is rotting on the same cruddy health plan.  Still, before every American joins in a mandatory negative bonding experience, we should consider whether this is the best method for coming together.  For one, no one has unearthed a passage in the House bill that bans steak knives and Slap Chops since they raise communal insurance prices when dumb and/or clumsy fellow citizens mishandle them.  But give it time.

Unfortunately, Democrats are striving for a below-sea level playing field.  Anytime someone begins lecturing you on “fairness,” check to make sure your wallet’s not missing.  Similarly, the excessively forthcoming do-gooders in this case are expecting you to exchange your right to care for your physical self.

It represents an interesting shift for them.  Notably, they historically think any abortion restriction is an example of the government enforcing its laws upon women.  Meanwhile, they want it to be law that the government imposes health care on the same women.  Even with the bill sitting in the Senate, there is already horrible news for anyone under 50 seeking a mammogram (h/t Ericka Andersen and Elizabeth Blackney via Twitter).

Worst of all are the punishments lined up for us Obamacare outlaws.  It’s recently been brought to the public’s attention that those who don’t sign up for health insurance will be sentenced to summary execution.  Well, we’d maybe just get thrown in the clink, although that still seems harsh.

We health care scofflaws might yet be safe from the health care cops’ desire to detain us all.  For one, forcing us to buy Obamacare shares is likely unconstitutional.  Although it’s undoubtedly risky waiting to defeat the bill through the judiciary after the legislative and executive branches inflict it upon us, it would be fun to ruin the left’s long-term struggle for collectivization through some judges’ decisions.

We should also consider our nation’s rules for governance in a broader sense.  Namely, the general tone of the Constitution is that the government is restricted to finite tasks for a reason.  The nation is built upon the premise of being left alone.  Being taxed like Swedes in exchange for the right to be cared for like Cubans violates both the grand document’s letter and spirit.

But fine, send us to prison.  For one, being inside offers a better employment situation: it’s easier to find work at present while incarcerated, as the shop and mess hall always need help.  Even better, all our pals will be there.  Based on who will refuse to consent to mandatory insurance, it will seem like a Tea Party in the yard.

And we’ll hold up just fine.  Notably, we knew nothing about protesting when we started, but we proved we’re adaptable.  Our rather mild-tempered angry mob revolutionized protesting by maintaining manners while amassed; the same sense of decorum will accompany us to the penitentiary.

We just have to make sure we get locked up in Maine or Vermont so we can vote despite our bout with custody.  Consequently, health dodgers won’t be detained forever: we’d undoubtedly be pardoned en masse in 2012 by whomever we’ve helped select as the new president.

It’s then a matter of deciding whether want to leave lockout.  Some of us extremists may beg to remain behind bars on account of all the fun we will be sharing.  And we’ll also be the first prison gang ever to conduct a democratic vote for our leader.  I nominate Andrew Breitbart.

Anthony Bialy is a freelance writer and “Red Eye” Conservative in Western New York.  He blogs at http://thebuffalobean.com and tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.

Popularity: 1% [?]