Perk Up or Relax- But Not Both

Don’t tell the FDA, but we can make any drink more adult on our own by blending in spirits.  I think.  The government may be presently working to legally ban us from Irishing up our coffee.  It’s also possible they already have passed such a rule against creating such cocktails, and I missed the news; it’s a not-implausible Obama era occurrence.  If that’s the case, how am I supposed to get through Christmas brunch with my family?

But it’s likely we can and will remain able to lawfully combine Red Bull and vodka without fear of incarceration.  Many contend it should be banned because it’s the sort of concoction drunk by those who get into nightclubs which would refuse entry to people such as me.  But that’s a secondary issue.

More significantly, Washington may soon ban beverage concerns from performing the alcohol/caffeine amalgamation for you.  The division of government in question is of course unelected, as is popular in these Czarist days.  Smart Girl Amanda Carpenter of the Washington Times has the details about FDA killjoys who want to ensure we’re neither intoxicated until dawn nor awake yet tipsy by lunchtime:

The Food and Drug Administration will soon begin a review of caffeinated alcoholic beverages to determine whether the products pose any health risks and whether it’s legal to make them in the first place.

The FDA sent a letter to 30 manufacturers telling them that the agency will soon determine whether caffeinated alcohol is safe to consume and whether beverage makers can lawfully put caffeine in their alcoholic products. “To date, the FDA has only approved caffeine as an additive for use in soft drinks in concentrations of no greater than 200 parts per million,” the FDA said. “It has not approved caffeine for use in any level in alcoholic beverages.”

Isn’t it our business to assess health risks?  Oops, not anymore.  Nonetheless, the same feckless bullies who force ice cream pint makers to post caloric information on their joyous products are currently pondering the legality of cans fortified with contrasting mood enhancers.  If you’re curious if they have anything better to do than hassle both us and drink bottlers, the answer is “no.”

The fun cops’ possible move embodies the Obama administration’s inappropriate approach to everything.  They sinisterly hassle beverage manufacturers whose potential crime is combining two legal drugs within the same receptacle.  At the same time, the president has decided that he’ll figure out how to fight a war to keep Americans safe as soon as is personally convenient.  Hopefully, he actually reveals his plan on December 1 like he says his will; otherwise, Obama might be hoping to stall long enough that the next president has to render the verdict.  Ideally, that moment would come after only three more indecisive years.

Similarly, Obama and Company can’t decide what they want on health care.  Whether it’s a public option, single payer, something triggered, hiring Canadians and Cubans to head south and north, respectively, and run our system, or any other Washington-first scheme, they’re only certain that they want to alter what we have.  All they know is that they don’t trust you making decisions about you.  Actually, in that regard they’ve been quite consistent.

And is it fair to accuse the same administration overseeing the FDA of hypocrisy for eagerly attempting to relocate terrorists within America?  Yes, it is fair.  The nannies in question can never calculate the proper response to anything.  They have established a history of overreacting to invasive yet relatively trivial matters while disregarding the government’s invaluable role in keeping innocents from getting attacked.

Most chillingly, the Obama administration has of course extended Constitutional rights to the vilest war criminals conceivable.  And yet they’ve decided it’s necessary to spend time pondering the legality of private companies combining everyone’s favorite stimulant and depressant.  It’s too bad the Justice Department can’t deliberate as thoroughly as the FDA does.

That said, FDA minions need to seriously relax, perhaps by both figuratively and literally pouring a little Baileys into the break room coffee pot.  Hopefully, uncapping that bottle will provoke them to lighten up and leave us alone.  For once.

They should accept that it’s our business if we want to stay up indefinitely while imbibing wobbly pops.  Drink companies who strive to conveniently eliminate the entirely tiresome step of combining alcohol and caffeine should be free to formulate and peddle such great goods.  The issue is a big deal precisely because a governmental agency wants to regulate such a small deal.  Whatever the outcome, please keep me in your thoughts Christmas morning as I run out the clock however possible.

Anthony Bialy is a freelance writer and “Red Eye” Conservative in Western New York.  He blogs at http://thebuffalobean.com and tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.

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