So you’ll please excuse me if I’m unable to envision that a reported $11,000 cake could exist, much less what it would taste like.  I’m assuming it uses a special Betty Crocker mix previously only available to the Pope and Oprah.

Well, it might be different if a wedding was involved.  I’d be pleased to make some lovely girl happy via some multiple-tiered baked batter concoction.  But I figure she’d be more impressed with spending that money on enough food to last for a year or so.

On the other hand, it’s all relative.  A cake costing about half a Mini Cooper would admittedly only contribute a small percentage toward the cost of a wedding that ran between two and three million freaking dollars, as Chelsea Clinton’s fantastically ornamental matrimony ceremony last Saturday allegedly did.  I hope everyone got seconds on the magical cake, not to mention both a new story on their homes and a retroactive presidential pardon as wedding favors.

I’d prefer buying a moat-enclosed fortress or medium-sized spaceport for that kind of currency.  But what’s important is that it’s fine for the Clintons to waste what’s theirs.  They frittered more on a daylong gala than most people will make in several lifetimes on a party to celebrate their daughter landing a man.  Regardless, ridiculously wealthy people are allowed to burn their money as they see fit.

In fact, this industrial furnace of a wedding created and/or saved more jobs than the Barack Obama administration has, had, or will.  Bubba and his wife put all kinds of people to work by celebrating so large.

For example, some kid is getting braces because his baking parent made the aforementioned reception cake; Hillary can use her pro-teeth-straightening stance to her advantage when she primaries her boss in 2012.  Notably, rich people’s spending helps those who are less well-to-do.  It’s amazing that it is possible to create opportunities without using the federal government as an intermediary; has the president heard?

Of course, some may contest whether the particular spurious couple in question has really earned their indescribable fortune.  But, it’s really theirs.  As with Justin Bieber merchandise-acquirers, people pay the Clintons to speak, write, or, in the wife’s case, flail haplessly when dealing with Iran.  They are compensated voluntarily.  Yes, I know: I’m sighing, too.  We can’t legislate taste or sense.

We can only judge from afar.  While spending as much as the Clintons did for an evening of merriment seems like an astounding waste, one thing to remember about humans is that they are allowed to spend their insulin money on scratch-off lottery tickets if they wish.  That would be a slightly better investment than nabbing a copy of Living History.

The problem is that the couple in question isn’t fine with you spending much of your money in the way you see fit.  By rubber-stamping approval for the classy carnival in her daughter’s honor, the bride’s mother acts differently than she talks.

Specifically, the soulless leftist has made a career out of railing against rich people for the sin of being rich when she’s not famously making a totally un-shady killing on cattle futures.  I partially retract what I said about the Clintons earning what they have.

She’s keen on confiscating from others while making sure she keeps plenty of what’s hers.  Most obviously, she can apparently easily fund wedding soirees that presumably feature moon bounces large enough to be seen from space.

It’s curious to hate the wealthy while blowing money indiscriminately.  I bet Ms. Rodham Clinton carpooled with Charles Rangel and shared tips on sanctimonious crusading when she served as New York’s junior senator and senior carpetbagger.

Of course, struggling middle-class wedding vendors will get screwed over when rich people have less to spend on ice sculptures and chintzy favors thanks to having more of their incomes taxed away.  But what does Ms. Clinton care?  Her only child’s wedding is over.

Still, it’s notable that the Clintons spent the money for the occasion, not Congress.  She’s fine with extravagance in her own personal case.  It’s apparently hard to remember to be a calculating phony all the time; even cyborg Secretaries of State are bound to slip occasionally.

Her fellow robotic ideological companions are similarly programmed for unbound hypocrisy.  For one, Al Gore famously enjoys flying in private jets to warn others that carbon fuel consumption is dooming us; that’s of course when our corpulent ex-veep isn’t personally consuming precious resources so he may prepare for hibernation.

As for a not-even vice president, John Edwards bitched that there’s two Americas while living in the better one, not to mention that he took a mistress from he would classify as the worse one.

And of course millionaire leftist radical Obama has made a living out of demonizing those who make $250,000 per year when he’s not taking incessant rich jerk-style vacations.  Enjoy your lobster, Mr. President, and remember that there’s no better way to establish your commitment to alleged economic justice than by eating a meal that potentially costs more than most Americans make in a week.  That of course only applies to the 90 percent or so of people who have jobs.

Unsoundly duplicitous class warfare nonsense from certain opulent con artists aside, I’d still like to extend my best wishes to the new bride.  I hope her marriage results in the same unbridled happiness her parents have enjoyed since their union.

And I sincerely desire that hers will not be the most calculated, unaffectionate coupling in history where one party agrees to provide access to political power in exchange for being able to fool around at will.  Love is just another word for Clintonian.

Okay, so the bride might think my toast rings slightly hollow.  But she can take it.  Chelsea’s a big girl with a husband, after all.  And she didn’t have to approve any of the expenses.  In fact, eloping would have saved us from an endless stream of cloying newspaper articles and network news dispatches on the nuptials.

Failing that, Little Hillary could have said no to, say, the Vera Wang gown.  Her refusal to do so irritates me in part because I had to look up Vera Wang’s name and learn about her.

Worst of all, the Hillary campaigner didn’t invite me to her and her husband’s shindig, much less a plus guest.  And you just know there was an open bar.  Whatever: I’ll just spend the Target gift card that was to be their gift on myself.

I’ll be okay.  Even if I didn’t just marry into even more wealth, I realize I am blessed: whatever happens to me from now on, at least the Clintons will never become my in-laws.  I’d feel bad for the groom if he didn’t recite the vows of his own accord.  Some things cost way more than seven figures.

Anthony Bialy is a freelance writer and “Red Eye” Conservative in Western New York.  He blogs at http://thebuffalobean.com and tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.

But whoops, the planetary apocalypse has been postponed due to a previously-concealed scheduling conflict with the biosphere.  It may not be true that the cover-up is worse than the crime, as gleeful liberals adore saying when they sniff scandal, but it’s a dead heat.  The IT staff at the University of East Anglia’s Climate Research Unit should have reminded the pseudo-researchers to not use screen names or “1234” as e-mail passwords.  On the other hand, at least they’re consistent: their science is as sloppy as their cyber security.  We learned about the former thanks to the latter.

What’s revealing about the exposed e-mails detailing the overall swindle is that researchers were acting as they would if nobody was looking.  In that regard, they’re much like one of the first people embarrassed across the entire internet, namely Star Wars Kid.  The difference is the anti-carbon evangelicals deserve to be ridiculed for more than being prototypical dorks who let down their public shields against self-conscious behavior.  Sinisterly, they lectured us about the dangers of dissent while privately trying to cloak that they were blaming society for a crime never committed.

Despite the exposure, certain Bachelors of Science will still undoubtedly tell all Bachelors of Arts that there’s no reason to initiate leeriness.  They assure us that peer review would eliminate the possibility that they could ever be wrong.  But they inhabit a sphere which is dominated by an undoubtedly warped perspective: who reviews the reviewers?  It’s like a cashier who’s taking money from the till receiving a performance evaluation from his lookout.  Lab-coat leftists permit their work to be examined by anyone who happens to know the super secret handshake.

Meanwhile, the dwindling anti-human activity apologists are feebly attempting to redefine the word “trick.”  Changing a word’s meaning to suit their reality just seems to fit.  Foes of environmental scaremongering, who supposedly willingly buried their thick skulls in the sand, were the reasonable ones all along; their adversaries were the ones warping reality to suit their faith.  While sultry Earth proponents don’t have to also redefine the word “irony,” they should learn it.

Their climate-related chicanery is horrid simply because we face yet another scandal which is being referred to with the subject’s name followed by the suffix “-gate.”  Worse than that hacky construction are the counterfeit hysteria practitioners themselves.  Most obviously, the naughty-in-a-not-fun-way e-mails simply further confirm that Al Gore is the biggest hypocrite in mankind’s history.  His run will continue for some time, considering we’re now ascertaining with certainty that people are not paving the route to their own extinction via self-induced overheating.

Still, the man whose inability to win his home state amusingly cost him his only chance ever to be head of state has guaranteed his place in the lineup of inauspicious contemporary Democratic vice presidents or nominees.  There’s Joe Biden proclaiming that spending decades in Senate committee rooms equals experience; John Edwards waging class warfare from his manor; the wholly indistinct Lloyd Bentsen lecturing Dan Quayle about his insignificance, which is like Paris Hilton calling someone untalented; Geraldine Ferraro allowing herself to be used in a calculated attempt to draw women voters, a group that overwhelmingly knew better; Walter Mondale doing everything he could to confiscate your income; and Sargent Shriver running to the left of everyone except his superior.  Gore is actually right where he belongs.

The only reputable Democratic vice-presidential nominee in recent history is currently an independent who engages vital conservative instincts maybe one-fifth of the time.  Regardless of his similarities to respective fellow nominees for his party’s second in command, Gore’s particular duplicity puts him in a class of his own among notorious luminaries of all types.

But the manipulatively surreptitious e-mails signify more than the sanctimonious wickedness of the movement’s preachers.  As more and more dissenters argue more fervently, the global warming message may be even worse than the messengers.

Still, nothing as flimsy as evidence will change hemp fans’ minds.  In particular, President Obama won’t drop this.  He will continue to rail against his fellow citizens who strive for prosperity and comfortable lives.  Coincidentally and conveniently, limiting both consumption and industrial production in the name of avoiding ecological doom fits his vision of an America where nobody gets too far ahead of anyone else.  We’ll all ditch our extravagant private vehicles and line up for buses if he gets his way.  Everyone will be miserable but at last equal.

With that in mind, the discovery of countless scientifically incontrovertible e-mails in, amusingly, skeptics’ favor gives us yet one more good reason to ignore the president.  He actually owes us an apology: we were trying to help this whole time.  After all, plants get to eat because we exhale all day and drive.  Why do the White House seat-filler, the Martin to Bill Clinton’s Lewis, the astounding phonies at the Climatic Research Institute, and a cadre of other global warming conmen hate photosynthesis?

The scandal simply offers further confirmation that permitting human beings to 1) exist and 2) build a civilization has not been destroying/will not destroy Spaceship/Mother Earth.  But our deceptive shallowly greenish friends shouldn’t worry about us genuine environmentalists giving up on the cause.  We plant-lovers will continue to be part of the solution: we’ll keep churning out carbon dioxide.

Anthony Bialy is a freelance writer and “Red Eye” Conservative in Western New York.  He blogs at http://thebuffalobean.com and tweets at http://twitter.com/AnthonyBialy.

By Bridget Geegan Blanton

The rare and cringe-worthy appearance of a 70’s inspired feminist is visible these days only along the sidelines of a Pro-Life March; screeching anti-Life diatribes through a bullhorn. Feminists have rigorously dedicated themselves to the crusade of abortion on demand. Consequentially, feminists have become an irrelevant factor on a range of issues in the national debate, all because of their death grip on this solitary platform.

The second, single-issue sideshow award goes to the Homosexual lobby. Gay marriage is the sum total of their agenda and nothing distracts them from this singleness of purpose. The apparent refusal of this particular lobby to speak out against Islamic fascism is a remarkable act of self-restraint because according to Sharia Law, Homosexuals must be killed.

The ‘academy’ also wishes to recognize a newcomer, celebrated by Hollywood itself, none other than the global warming thought police. These anti-debate, global warming folks will also be receiving a special award that recognizes them to be most like the Taliban in their ‘convert or die’ approach to public persuasion.

For some unspeakable, pathological reason, the single-issue ideologues have banned together in a code of silence in face of injustice, murder and terror. Whatever happened to the big, bad feminists? Why aren’t they speaking out against how radical Islam treats women? There’s nothing but dead air; not one single word is uttered against the Islamic fascist apartheid against women and gays. Their silence says it all.

On the second of January in 2008, in the Texas town of Lewisville, the bodies of two sisters Sarah Yaser Said, 17 and Amina Yaser Said, 18 were found shot to death in a taxi belonging to their father and suspect Yaser Abdel Said. In the wake of another senseless and horrific, alleged Muslim ‘honor killing’ the silence from the Left is deafening and deeply disturbing.

In September of 2006, 23 South Korean aid volunteers were taken as hostages by the Taliban in Afghanistan. The pastor leading the youth group was murdered for refusing to convert to Islam. The 19 survivors reported that during their captivity they were beaten and threatened with death repeatedly because of their refusal to convert. The young women in the group were raped again and again and the young men who tried to protect these women received severe beatings.

Not one word out of the Hollywood blowhards in response to this violent, human rights outrage; not a single word. Perhaps they were too busy blacklisting scientists whose own climate studies disputed the thesis behind global warming profiteer, Al Gore and his ridiculous, propaganda flick, ‘An Inconvenient Truth’.

What is the motivation behind the Left’s massive indifference towards the heinous treatment of women and gays at the hands of Islamic fascists? Is it their cellular level hatred of Bush? (which is actually beyond tedious at this point) It must be some overall, larger agenda peppered with anti-Americanism and American defeatism. To express any modicum of outrage against the torture, the beheadings, the kidnappings, the bomb attacks, the murders, the rapes, the honor killings and the suppression of free speech at the barbaric, bloody hands of radical Muslims, might be misconstrued as support for the war against terror and they simply can’t allow that to happen.

Sharia Law…talk about a living nightmare. Consider the evil incarnate associated with the Ahmajinedad-style suppression. What atrocities would be forced upon us? We would witness the complete death of whatever is left of the free press, the mindless execution of gays, the removal of women from public life and the sporadic sighting of once free women sporting that hideous, facial obliterating burka. The world-wide symbol of suppressing the spirit, the intelligence and the soul of women.

Unfortunately, Sharia Law is getting a nice little foothold in the ‘ol U.S. of A. Footbaths are popping up all over the place. Before you jump to any conclusion and spout off about the ACLU stepping forward on their track record of exterminating all mention of God; think again. The ACLU is in league with the silent, single-issue ideologues. Apparently, Islamic Fascism gets a total pass. This is the part of the article where I usually spout off about the ‘enemy within’, but I think you’ve got the message.

While the self-absorbed Left continues to perform in their single-issue sideshows, having long forgotten the evil events of September 11, 2001; the rest of us must never let up on our defense of this great nation, our way of life, our Constitution and our God given freedoms. The authors of Islamofascist terror are committed to Jihad against the infidels and are waging war against us both inside and outside of America. You can try to ignore the facts, but they’re not going away. It’s time to dig in and fight back.

Don’t expect any help from the mainstream media. Unfortunately, they are also in lock step with the single-issue ideologues that give radical Muslim extremists a free pass. With endless examples to choose from, consider the murderous rampage committed by Bosnian Muslim Sulejmen Talovic back in February of 2006 at the Trolley Square Mall in Salt Lake City, Utah. Five people were murdered in this horrific incident and due to the media succumbing to intimidation and intellectual dishonesty the truth was hidden and the story was quickly buried.

The point that needs to made here is this; don’t allow screeching, leftist ideologues to intimidate you. Stand up for truth because freedom depends on people like you and I recognizing that a threat exists. Contrary to the leftist babble, there is no ‘discussion’ with Al Qaeda, the Taliban and the thousands of radical Muslim groups around the world. They’ve got a car bomb with your name on it. At last count, there were at least 5000 web-sites urging Jihad against America. Like it or not, the threat is real. We can’t expect the preoccupied Left to defend their freedom of speech so we’ve got to do it for them. Maybe someday they’ll thank us…but, I’m not holding my breath.

Visit http://www.actforamerica.org/ and look for a chapter near you to join the fight against the Islamic Militants in our midst.

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With so many socialistic agenda items to fight, you may be tempted to back off on cap and trade. Don’t give into that temptation, ladies. Cap and trade scares the pants off of me and it should scare you, too. The House passed the bill (a pox on those traitorous eight Republicans!) 219-212. This has gone too far.

The Community Organizer in Chief and fellow arrogant world leaders promised at the G8 Summit to keep temperatures from rising more than 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit above average levels of more than a century ago. They also agreed to cut greenhouse gas emissions by 80 percent by 2050. This would be knee-slapping humor except that they’re serious about it. They honestly believe that they (not God) have the ability to turn the world’s thermostat up or down. They ignore what many credible scientists say (the earth’s core has been cooling down for ten years) and they forge on.

Al Gore (who will be a billionaire if cap and trade becomes law) said on July 7, at the Smith School World Forum on Enterprise and the Environment, “I bring you good news from the U.S. Just two weeks ago, the House of Representatives passed the Waxman-Markey climate bill.” Our former vice president lauded the Congressional climate bill as a step in the right direction for the fight of what he is constantly referring to as the crisis of global warming. The interesting part of his comments (yes, now and then Gore says something interesting, frightening but interesting) is this: “But it is the awareness itself that will drive the change and one of the ways it will drive the change is through global governance and global agreements.”  Uh? Global governance? Why is the Left constantly undermining the United States’ right to govern itself?

If our Senate passes cap and trade (which let’s face it, is one big energy tax) China and India will take over the industrial world. Who will build a factory here?  Heck, who will build anything here? By taxing the use of energy, the government hopes to reduce usage. And it will. But at what cost? Businesses will go offshore to do their work. The Heritage Foundation says that by 2031 you won’t know anyone in the construction business. Over one million construction jobs will be lost by then. I haven’t even gone into the numbers for the trucking business or coal miners or steel workers.

If you own a house, you might want to sell it now while you still can. (I find it ironic that the Left in general, ACORN, Barney Frank, etc. want absolutely everyone to own a house and yet they also want to pass cap and trade. The two goals are mutually exclusive and do not co-exist). This climate change bill destroys home ownership. Cap and trade allows government inspectors into your home. Before you can put it on the market, it must pass inspection. You will be required to retrofit your residence to meet green guidelines. If you have an older home, you can kiss your home equity goodbye. It will be eaten up by replacing windows and appliances and installing more insulation. Your private property must receive the federal government’s stamp of approval before you are allowed to sell it.

Cap and trade spells the end of our country as we know it. It is the most far-reaching socialistic plan The Chosen One has yet to tackle. I’m continually impressed with his ability to arm twist, bully, lie and schmooze his agenda through our government’s system. He’s not foolish and he knows timing is everything.  I think the Senate will focus on health care (an equally terrifying prospect) before it gets back to cap and trade this fall. The Left hopes we’ll forget about this bill and focus on other issues. Keep this in mind. Check in on cap and trade weekly. Talk to your senators when they show their faces in their home districts. Share facts with your friends and family. Hold signs that dispute cap and trade when you attend tea parties. We must not let this bill become law.

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Holly has been doing a lot of thinking. Holly has been doing extensive investigating. Holly finds that the best solution to her problem may be installing one of these:

Holly has decided that a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john may be her only option.

She has even decided on a location for her new purchase:

Why would Holly who lives in a lovely suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn’t) have a white picket fence with complete indoor plumbing choose to install a porta-potty?

It might have something to do with the plunger that is permanently attached to Holly’s left arm. Holly’s left arm is tired of plunging. Holly has noticed that she is starting to choose outfits in the morning based on whether they match the plunger attached permanently to her left arm.

Holly is wearing green hoping that her green-wearing karma will overcome her low-flow toilet hating soul.

Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is dark, very dark.

Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is deep, very deep.

Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is attached to a body sporting a plunger as a permanent fixture.

Holly’s low-flow toilets seem to have something against the act of flushing.

Hey low-flow toilets…why are you so anti-flush?

Holly also wonders what is the point of low-flow toilets if she has to attempt flushing them three kazillion times with intermittent plunging. Ironically Coincidentally, that is the exact same decibel (three kazillion) Holly’s voice hits when she hears, “Mommy! The toilet isn’t working!”

So, until Al Gore dedicates his life to plunging Holly’s low-flow toilets or suitable alternatives in the United States of Low-Flow Toilets (US of LF T) are legal, Holly is planning this drastic action.

Holly will no longer allow people to use the INDOOR toilets. Holly will lead them to the OUTDOOR toilet which never needs plunging despite the level of crap.

Holly can only hope that the proximity to the patio of the new porta-potty could encourage its use by a certain Holly’s dog…