ObamaRomCom Needs a Rewrite

I hate romantic comedies.  That may be beyond obvious to everyone who has read my previous columns or met me.  Of course, this opinion may alienate me from some of Smart Girl Politics’ girls.  But, as the site’s resident dumb boy, I must remain honest.  At least I offer perspective regardless of how worthy one finds same testosterone- [...]

We Need a Break, Too

The wag who writes the travel column for your weekly community newspaper when he’s not selling advertising space will undoubtedly remark about how he needs a vacation from a vacation in his piece summarizing his experience at the County Green Bean Festival and Weed Whacker Expo ‘10.  You consider his assertion that time away from [...]

What Don’t They Get?

I am uncomplicated.  You know that if you’ve talked to me or read what I’ve written before: I possess all the featured design complexities of a light switch.  There is little mystery contained within me, and I will divulge any of the few hidden details if you buy me 100 or so ounces of medium-quality [...]

Unaccountable for Counting Your Money

Why would you care all that much about someone else’s stuff?  It’s okay: I am not accusing you of anything callous, as you are a nice and considerate person who deserves to have many smiley emoticons directed at you.
For one, I am sure you would like all the possessions I have piled around.  But if [...]

Less than Liberal Not Good Enough for GOP

“Republican” is a synonym for “conservative” in the Sometimes Thesaurus.  The words are only interchangeable depending on the day and person to which they are referring.  The lack of steady interchangeability is bothersome to voters who want to know what they are getting.  Alternately, some GOP candidates act like they were assigned to their ballot [...]

Make the Rich Poor: That’ll Show ‘Em!

Barack Obama’s greatest failing will be breaking his promise by raising taxes on those making less than $250,000 per year.  His co-greatest will be keeping his promise to raise taxes on those making more than $250,000 per year.  He doesn’t even know when he should be lying.
The willingness to punish everyone who makes money is serving as his most [...]

It Sells Itself

Some claims are indisputable.  For example, disobedient monkeys are the most hilarious animals of all, beer with lime flavoring is for either sorority girls or commies, and all hand sports are superior to soccer.
Most of all, it’s eternally infinitely better to do and not say than to say and not do.  Running off one’s mouth [...]

Tee’d Time

Will the liberal Tea Party apply for a stimulus grant?  I really hope so, as that would provide the most obvious of ample indications that they’re doing it wrong.  The amusing news that several left-of-center groups are bunching themselves together and yoinking another movement’s name is the equivalent of me setting out to take down [...]

You Got Nothing

It’s remarkable, in its way, to spend a trillion dollars and return empty-handed.  Even Jersey Shore’s human cockroaches could figure out how to acquire tangible goods if handed such a sum.  It’s true even if they can’t fathom 13 individual digits, much less what they represent.  But they’re still vaguely human creatures that know you’re [...]

Venti-Sized Genius

Starbucks is brilliant.  For one, I never would have thought of it.  I was too dumb to enroll in business school, much less learn anything at business school.  But, in my defense, there are very few people who would have been capable of summoning such a concept.
Who would have thought one could create fantastic demand [...]

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